i'm back posting here!yay~

this feeling controlling my mind!!i'm scared!

i just lied to my mom that i'm going to klcc tomorrow to get yattaman movie from chii-chan...well,actually,yes,i'm going to get it from chii-chan...but it's actually not the main point for me to go there...i wanna go there to take sho's uchiwa...it's just by coincidence...i wanna get the part 2 from her and she said she will give it to me tomorrow since she's going to take her goodies too and..me too!so i made that as an excuse for me to get out tomorrow...i can't tell momma about i'm going to take that or i'll be beaten up...i'm feeling guilty,i'm scared..i wanna cry...i wanna let this all out to someone that i trust...but i don't have one,right now...this feeling making me shaking and even freezing....i need my sho...i wanna cry on his arm..i wanna being hugged by him and comforted by him...yes,i really do want it!why do i have to lie this to her?but she warned me not to buy these jap mags and all..i know i'm wrong.. V.V it's like i'm hiding this to her...but when i remember when she found the clearfile that i hid ..and she just kept quiet...that makes me feel better... =)